6.5.15

GHOSTS OF BOYFRIENDS PAST

Hello Lovely people!

There is something that has been bothering me for the longest time. I've personally gone through it though out the years, my friends have experienced the same thing. To me, it is nothing short of an epidemic. I'm talking about falling in love with the idea of someone. Sticking in a relationship with the hopes that person will change for you. Staying with someone because it feels comfortable, or because you can't work out the nerve to break up. Or because you simply don't want to be alone. I am guilty of all this and I will be writing a new series wich will be named, Ghosts of boyfriends past.

Hunny, if you're reading this, I love you so much but I have to visit these ghosts for the greater good HAHAHA!
Before I got to where I am now, I went through quite a few "relationships". I say that with quotes because from where I stand today, they were not real. They seemed real at the time but it takes being in a real partnership to know. Okay, it's a little tough to explain this without giving you a concrete example.

- WHAT DOES YOUR GUT TELL YOU?

 A few years ago, I met a guy who we will call James for his privacy. He was green eyed, tall, dark and handsome. We all know I got a type... This guy looked great from the outside but he turned out to be a man child. I mean, I always tend to date older but this time, I thought, you know what, he's only 1-2 year older than me, but he totally looks like a man (if you know what I mean) HAHA. So this handsome guy asked me for a date... He picked me up, and as we were in the parking of the restaurant I got out of the car and he said to wait for him as he was changing his clothes in his car... Listen, I did not mind that much, but to me, if you're going to take me out for a date, at least come prepared.. He changed and we proceeded to going into the restaurant. It was an Italian restaurant... Not my favorite kind of food, to be honest, I would even say I REALLY do not care for Italian food however, it is the thought that counts, so I happily sat across the table from him and we ordered some food. Yes, the guy was very handsome but his conversational skills were lacking... I attributed this to nervousness and I tried my best to make him feel at ease. At the end of the date, I though.. ehh.. maybe not meant to be. I did not feel we were at the same place in our lives, I felt we would run out of things to talk about but I ignored this and a few days later, after a lot of texting back and forth, he asked me to hang out again. Lesson? Listen to your instinct.

TWISTED STORY TELLERS 

 At this point, I thought the guy was somewhat interesting and scratched the awkward first date to jitters. We hang out, I think we went to the movies but then again, I thought he was a little "spaced". It was like I was dating 2 different people. One by text and the other in person... I am a curious person and at the time, even a little naive even. So I kept hoping James was just a little shy around people. On the 4 or 5 date, He invited me to go out and to my great surprise, his WHOLE family came along! I mean, Dad, Mom, cousins, family friends... I was surprised but I actually got along well with everyone. They were cool french-Italian people and I got to see a different side to James. Outgoing and alert! Anyway, at the end of the night, James asked me if I wanted to go with him at home to hang out more and he would drop me off at my place afterwards. I was having a good time so I said, sure! As we were pulling in the driveway, I was wondering how a guy this young could afford a house this big and I asked him and that's when he dropped the bomb... "I Live with my Parents". Alright, so now I'm thinking to myself WTH? Why did you invite me to your parents' house this late? It was not so much that he was living at home but the fact that he had never mentioned it and also, I absolutely do not want your parents who just met me a few hours ago to see me in their house at 11 O'clock at night! 
Anyways, we went in and I must admit, it wasn't so bad. That was sort of the beginning of this "dating" story. I started a little lukewarm and I warmed up to this guy and I ended up liking him despite all the little red flags.
I remember after we had first our kiss, he said, he thought I was going to make him work for it a little more, He then told me he liked the chase... RED FLAG ALERT! This is a game player! Beware! But honestly,  I was like W.T.F but little inexperienced me looked the other way! 

IF DOESN'T HAVE HIS SH!T TOGETHER, HE'S NOT READY FOR A GIRLFRIEND

So what went wrong in such a perfect situation? (I hope you get the hint of sarcasm).  
One day, we were supposed to hang out and he said he just wanted to hang out at home, I didn't mind but when I found out it was just so he could get high...  That turned off. I don't judge but this happened quite often and also I realized he was always so dozy because he was a stoner. He couldn't have a decent conversation, he had no motivation for life, He was sleeping most of the time. He was a stoner who lived with his parents and didn't want to grow up. His mother made breakfast for him, His laundry, etc. I am really not into a guy who wakes up everyday after 11 am... Did I stop seeing though? No! I kept seeing him in the hopes that I would help him stop and inspire him to grow up. I really cannot tell you why I thought that was a good idea. I was not in love with the guy but somehow, I convinced myself that he with me around, he was going to be the man I thought he could be and I would then fall in love and we would happily walk off in the sunset! This is a brief version of that story but it is an example of how us girls always ignore sign after sign, we ignore our instincts and tied ourselves to these men who are not ready for commitment. He hold on to an idea of a person who basically doesn't exist. How this ended, I think it just fizzled out until we didn't speak again. 




BEWARE OF THE COMMITMENT-FOBE

A friend of mine has been seeing a guy for a few month. The guy said he didn't want to get serious but on the flip side, he wanted to see her all the time. He opened up to her, said he was only seeing her, he told her intimate and personal stories and that appealed to her emotional side. He would spend days on days with her and then leave and stay MIA for a few days. He got the girlfriend treatment without the commitment. I mean who doesn't want emotional support? Everyone does, but not everyone want to give the same back. Long story short, the guy was apparently seeing other girls and coming back to her. Lesson? If a guy says he's not ready for a relationship, if he says he's not ready to be committed or that he is too busy figuring out his life, Don't stay around in the hopes that he might change his mind or that you will change his mind. He means it, so proceed knowingly.


Love and light,

J
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